if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
