the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
