I must be too annoying 4 u.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
