five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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