So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
this is an emotional support booty call
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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