Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Green mimosas i think yes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
