He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
