Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're a disaster
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