i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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