I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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