Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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