I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
