Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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