Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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