I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
