I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
