Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
