sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
