I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
