I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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