I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
