does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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