saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
