dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
