You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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