He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
