margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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