hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He has the fingertips of a God
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