I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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