Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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