You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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