This girl is more easily done than said...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
