his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
