worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
