the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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