I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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