Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
