Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have tasted many bathrooms
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
