I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
