Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
