i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
