My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
