you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
