I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
