Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
