It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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