So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
