You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
