I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
its liver damage thursday
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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