dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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