Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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