I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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