i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
