I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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