hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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