it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?