dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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