Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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