Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
