I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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